A ZOMBIE FIGHTS A SHARK
★★☆☆☆ (Don’t Bother)
Director: Lucio Fulci
1979
Zombi 2 (also called Zombie) is not really a sequel to anything and I’m not going to go into the history of why here. You can look it up or you can just avoid the topic all together because the movie (though better on second watch) is a whole lot of nothing unless you count the scene where a zombie has an epic underwater battle with a shark. And Fulci didn’t even direct that. Though the concept is interesting—a woman tracks her father to an island where an evil doctor experiments on people—you’ll be turned off by the random silliness, and you won’t be able to tell male characters apart as the film moves at a glacial pace between fantastic bloody kills. Topnotch gore is its saving grace, so if you watch horror solely for the practical effects, this movie will make your day. Unfortunately, I need more than that.

Our bland heroine Anne (Tisa Farrow) has been looking for her missing father for some time, so when his boat glides into New York City’s harbor carrying nothing but a ravenous zombie, she’s concerned. The lady joins forces with bland journalist Peter (Ian McCulloch), who can sense there’s a good story afoot, and they buy passage on a pleasure boat with Curly-Haired Lady and her Boyfriend. The sailing couple know of the island Anne talks about as there are rumors of voodoo there, but take her anyway. You can connect the dots from there.
Farrow might as well be wallpaper in this movie; there are moments when you can actually see the actress zoning out and not listening as another actor is speaking to her. As for the men, all are interchangeable with the exception of the sweaty Dr. Menard who Richard Johnson portrays as a mustache twirling vaudeville villain.

Speaking of villain, his wife Paola is Fulci’s frothing female du jour. Like his other films, we’re treated to a beautiful woman on bath salts, but Paola isn’t just there to rage and scream like an attack dog for one scene. She’s there to rage and scream like an attack dog for one scene in order to talk her abusive husband out of his experiments. And to show a little boob. Gratuitous nudity is so unlike Fulci, but in Zombi 2 we have not one, but two women who flash their knockers at us for no reason related to plot or character. In an unintentional moment of hilarity, ship occupants Anne, Peter, and Boyfriend stare silently with blank faces as Curly-Haired Woman tosses off her shirt and exposes her bare breasts. No one says a word in this awkward scene as we and the characters watch her go through all the motions of getting her scuba gear on and then falling into the water topless. I could go on about our nipple-gazing underwater ocean tour with Curly-Haired Woman, but suddenly…a zombie grabs her foot as a shark sails by!
When the woman is out of the picture, we’re left with the best characters in Zombi 2: Shark and Sea Zombie. This zombie shark action isn’t a one shot and done deal; we’re treated to almost five minutes of underwater wrestling, zombie chewing the shark, and buckets of blood. Watching these monsters of the deep fight to the death is so mesmerizing, you’ll forget to turn off Zombi 2 afterward.
Though many scenarios are hokey (a couple decides to rest in the sun by lying on graves), the makeup is beyond impressive. Zombi 2 had good bones, but the writers took the easy way out and not even Fulci can save a film built on lazy screenwriting or containing actors who either overemote or forget they’re supposed to act. You can guess how the story ends just from the abrupt cut in the coroner’s office in one of the first scenes—but that doesn’t mean the shot of zombies running amok doesn’t look cool. Fulci does this all the time; he creates a mediocre movie and then ends it with a nuclear bomb final shot, making you wonder where all this awesomeness was during the rest of the film. Zombi 2 feels like an A student who is fine coasting with D’s, but it lives as a testament for practical effects and Fulci’s neat camera angles, both colliding during a character’s incredible death by eye-gouging. And a zombie fights a shark.
GENRES: Diverse Characters, Monster/Creature
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