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THE HORRIBLE HOUSE ON THE HILL

A REALLY GOOD ARGUMENT FOR THE CHILD-FREE MOVEMENT



★★☆☆☆ (Don’t Bother)

Director: Sean MacGregor, David Sheldon

1974



Children as killers in fiction are nothing new. Long before The Bad Seed, Bloody Birthday, The Children, You Better Watch Out, or even Stephen King’s 1977 story “Children of the Corn”, kids were utilized by horror writers because they are the perfect villain. One of the most terrifying Ray Bradbury stories is “The Small Assassin” from 1946—a tale about a baby who has it out for his parents. We’re hard-wired from our early ancestors to keep any little one from harm, so children as our attackers presents an unusual moral dilemma: Could you really hurt that child who is trying to saw your head off? This moment of reflection on the character’s part usually stalls them enough to give their murderer the upper hand. How does that Offspring song go? You won’t go to jail if you’re under 18? Smart young psychopaths know this, so what do they have to lose?


The kids at the center of The Horrible House on the Hill (also called People Toys and Devil Times Five) certainly have nothing to lose. After a van accident, they are lost in the middle of the snowy woods, and I like that my emotions are tricked as I worry about them, hope they find shelter. My first instinct is to care despite the knowledge that these little ones are going to hack their way through the next crowd of adults. A tiny girl clutches a stuffed animal, two boys help the others get over snowy embankments, a strange woman in a nun’s outfit leads the way. In total there are four children, but future star Leif Garrett’s (David) talent shines among a ho-hum cast. On that note, there should have only been three children as the oldest girl already looks homicidal, even for an angsty teen. This girl alters the image the filmmakers were going for—pink-cheeked innocents coming to getcha.



As far as the adults go, most are the garden variety yuppies; ingrates who like to smoke cigars in dark rooms and belly-laugh about how rich they are, and before the murderous events, they’re all enjoying themselves at a lodge in Lake Arrowhead, California. But I have to say, just because the victims aren’t sympathetic doesn’t mean our loyalties are torn; this isn’t a film that wants much from you. In fact, our heroes end up being Rick and Julie, a bland couple who are only visiting the compound to see Julie’s father Papa Doc (Gene Evans). The children then arrive and are coddled by the unwitting group before a perfectly-timed snowstorm strands everyone at the chalet.


There are no surprises in The Horrible House on the Hill because the only shocker is who is doing the killing, and the marketing spoils that for you. Sure, it’s disturbing to see some of the murders done by little maniacs—especially little maniacs working as a pack— but you’re left with nothing to do but passively watch and wait for the next body and the next… The colors are dull, there’s no interesting lighting, character development is minimal. The only scares come from visuals involving the children’s caretaker Sister Hannah (Gail Smale), a pale woman who is not quite a nun, not quite a nurse. Just her presence in the frame is unsettling, as if she were a life-sized doll staring from the corner. The Horrible House on the Hill suffers by not giving us answers. We know these moppets are psychiatric patients, but how long have they been doing this? Who (or what) is Sister Hannah? Will there be justice? I’m all for not being spoon-fed backstories, but a movie that relies heavily on the game of “Who is Going to Die Next?” must give the audience a satisfying ending or more to think about. Instead, I went a little braindead after the novelty of the killers wore off. What was a groundbreaking premise in 1974 feels like a waste of time right now.






GENRES: Diverse Characters, Serial Killer


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