top of page

MICROWAVE MASSACRE

SOMETIMES A WORKING MAN JUST WANTS TO COME HOME TO A GOOD MEAL



★★★☆☆ (Good for One Viewing)

Director: Wayne Berwick

1979


A lot of comedic horror movies fail because they try too hard, and at first glance Microwave Massacre is one of those films. But as long as you’re in on the tasteless gags (and have low expectations), you’ll have a good time. Bad acting and bad monologues abound, but what do you want? Shakespeare? I mean, come on, this is a movie that wants you to be scared of a microwave. It’s Archie Bunker meets the Donner party, with just enough silliness and unnecessary boobs to be fun.


SPOILERS Don (Jackie Vernon) is jealous of his buddies at the construction site where he works because they get simple lunches while his wife sends him out with crab sandwiches made with one whole crab. He begs her for a “normal” meal, but she won’t make it, and for some reason, he can’t buy it. Why fast food restaurants won’t cater to him in this universe is not to be questioned, just accept the fact that Don is unable to eat without his wife cooking for him. Though they’re a blue collar couple with a simple home, she tries to class up the joint with exotic artwork, a Beethoven bust, and her fancy-ass “q-zine”—ridiculous meals Don finds un-edible. After she purchases a wall-size microwave (again, he can’t spring a buck for McDonalds?) and serves a Parisian meal Don finds unacceptable, he kills her in a drunken rage, a scene with the same dramatic heft as watching two kindergarteners swat at one another in a playground fight.


Feeling peckish in the middle of the night, Don accidentally eats pieces of his wife he cut up and stored in the refrigerator. In one of many instances where he breaks the fourth wall, he confesses to us that she’s pretty tasty, and this is when he takes advantage of his newfound single status to indulge in his budding fetish: cannibalism. As he picks up ladies to screw and brew—and gives his construction friends leftovers—you’re witness to one stupid kill after another, all while Don quips like he thinks he’s Rodney Dangerfield.


I refuse to believe the score wasn’t lifted from a porno. Indeed, the whole movie flirts with teetering over into X-rated territory as characters breeze through strip clubs and there are orgies happening next door to Don. But these shenanigans go along with the general theme of ham and cheese and harmless fun. Microwave Massacre moves fast and you know exactly how it’s going to end, but at least you’ll be entertained.






GENRES: Diverse Characters, Funny, What the Fuck Was That


NO AI TRAINING: Without in any way limiting the author’s [and publisher’s] exclusive rights under copyright, any use of this website's (nicolinatorres.com) blog posts or publications to “train” generative artificial intelligence (AI) technologies to generate text is expressly prohibited. The author reserves all rights to license uses of this work for generative AI training and development of machine learning language models.

Recent Posts

See All
NICOLE

NICOLE

bottom of page