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MADMAN

A CAMPFIRE TALE THAT WILL PUT YOU TO SLEEP



★☆☆☆☆ (Kill It with Fire)

Director: Joe Giannone

1981



Shortly after the release of Friday the 13th (1980), a few friends got together and said, “let’s cash in on this sweet, sweet camper-killer craze. We need some campers, though. Who here has kids? What? We only have two among us? Oh well, the audience won’t notice” and rented a camera before hauling off to the woods. That’s my theory about Madman, a waste of time posing as a horror film. I’m angry at myself because after listening to an old codger ramble on about the mythology of “Madman Marz” around the fire a la The Fog (1980) for over five minutes, common sense told me to stop, but my patience has paid off in the past so I went through with it, feeling like a masochist the entire time. Madman is so dark, you can hardly see anything, and it must have been filmed during the camp’s off-season because everyone’s wearing turtlenecks. Have you ever gone on one of those haunted hayrides in October? That’s scarier than this movie. There’s more suspense in my wait time at the BMV, but I guess there are only so many ways to kill someone in the woods on a budget.


To say the acting is bad is an understatement, though I’m not sure what any actor could have done with such an amateur script. These teen camp counselors look to be solidly in their twenties, while the man in charge (the storyteller I call, Codger) is a grizzled sage who spouts unsolicited wisdom and sounds like Mr. Miyagi if he became a Dungeon Master. Out of the group of dispensibles, a few stand out besides Codger: Wandering Guy, Girl with Flute*, Blonde Girl Mad at Boyfriend, Boyfriend, and Snuggle Couple (this includes Man with Mustache). You will not remember anyone’s names, and won’t remember how they’re killed two minutes after it happens.



Blonde Girl Mad at Boyfriend



According to Codger, Madman Marz was a farmer who happened to live in the spooky abandoned farmhouse next to their campfire. Long ago, Marz killed his wife and children and disappeared with their bodies, and supposedly will return to kill you if you “say his name above a whisper.” Of course, Wandering Guy stands and starts screaming the name as kids shiver in fear (I believe there are exactly five children in this entire film). Returning to the camp buildings, there’s mild drama between the “teens” when suddenly-


Oooooh yeaaaah... We’re treated to the close up of a man’s hairy belly as he sensuously unbuckles his pants to the smooth sounds of an AM radio station. This leads to the “love scene” where Boyfriend and Blonde Girl Mad at Boyfriend get in the hot tub naked and do a mating dance that involves circling the tub while staring into each other’s eyes—culminating in a bizarre, tongue-less French kiss. After this scene, we watch as counselors act like lemmings, following one another into the woods to meet their Maker. There’s no twist here, just a troll-man doing what he does best. The monster meant to have us hiding in our sleeping bags looks like the Scooby-Doo coal miner turned into claymation.


Unless you have a camp-killer fetish and have run out of movies to watch, there’s absolutely no reason to expose yourself to this tedious pile of junk. Reaching the middle of Madman, I started screaming, “Madman Marz! Madman Marz!”, hoping he’d show up and get me so I wouldn’t have to finish watching the movie.

 


*The “flute” is actually a recorder. I apologize to all flute and recorder enthusiasts.






GENRES: Monster/Creature, Teens in Peril


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