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LAKE PLACID

A GROUP OF MEN WOULD RATHER GET EATEN BY A GIANT CROCODILE THAN SPEND ONE MORE DAY IN THE WOODS WITH BRIDGET FONDA



★★★☆☆ (Good for One Viewing)

Director: Steve Miner

1999



Lake Placid is one of those awful horror movies that has a special place in the hearts of those who watched it when it first came out—but doesn’t hold up for audiences today. This story about a bitter paleontologist named Kelly (Bridget Fonda) sent to Maine to check out a prehistoric tooth in a possible murder victim is bloated with overacting, and the forced romance between our raging heroine and wildlife officer Jack (Bill Pullman in his most “gee golly” performance) is as hard to believe as the giant crocodile wandering the lake and looking for human victims. Speaking of victims, there are a surprising lack of kills in Lake Placid —who knew that side characters are a monster croc’s favorite food? This glossy movie feels Disney-fied until someone loses their head in a shower of blood, or Betty White tells the authorities to suck her you-know-what.



Thank God they didn't give her a gun.



After Kelly arrives in Maine, she automatically begins snapping at her guides Jack and Sheriff Hank Keough (Brendan Gleeson), who treat her with kid gloves, figuring it’s probably her time of the month. All the men in this movie seem to be afraid of her, and you can’t blame them. She cuts them down when they move too slowly, she demands immediate satisfaction. It couldn’t be more obvious her character is meant to emulate Kate in The Taming of the Shrew, though Jack is no formidable Petruchio. Lake Placid’s wildlife officer just ducks his head and acts like Oliver Twist asking for more porridge. The writer’s motivation for Kelly is that before being shipped to Maine, her boyfriend, who is also her boss, dumped her for her friend. I agree this betrayal is heinous and warrants getting a box of wine and spending the weekend watching X-Files with your best girlfriends, but instead, Kelly decides she’s on the warpath against all men on Earth.


Crocodile expert Hector (Oliver Platt) battles Kelly for Most Obnoxious Character in Lake Placid. Hector is a remnant of men gone by, the kind who used to be able make women giggle by calling them “sweet tits”. Indeed, Hector flirts with a female officer (Meredith Salenger!) that he just met by complimenting her breasts, and because this is 1999, she blushes and gives in to his advances. Physically, Hector is no Don Juan, but he doesn’t even make up for it by having a good personality. As soon as he arrives, it’s by dramatic helicopter drop, and he bullies his way into the investigation as if he has authority over the cops who just let him boss them around. He’s the result of parents who never tell their children no, making him a perfect potential snack.


“SPEAKING OF VICTIMS, THERE ARE A SURPRISING LACK OF KILLS IN LAKE PLACID—WHO KNEW THAT SIDE CHARACTERS ARE A MONSTER CROC’S FAVORITE FOOD?”


Not to be pessimistic, but there are a lot of couples in film who, in real life, wouldn’t last a day after the credits rolled (As Good as It Gets, Four Weddings and a Funeral, anything with Jennifer Lopez) and Kelly and Jack are one of them. Maybe there just aren’t enough women in Jack’s neck of the woods, but I’d rather hump a tree than make out with someone who was degrading me and screaming at my friends only an hour ago. There are moments of fun and charm in Lake Placid —Betty White, and the bear who conveniently leaps out of nowhere to attack our heroes—and more people should be talking about the amazing croc creation built by Stan Winston Studios. However, Kelly and Hector’s histrionics steal the thunder from our monstrous beast. Lake Placid is a great movie to waste a rainy Sunday on as long as you can tolerate listening to kindergarteners bicker for 82 minutes.







GENRES: Body Horror, Funny, Monster/Creature


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