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BLACK CHRISTMAS (2019)



★☆☆☆☆ (Kill It With Fire)

Director: Sophia Takal

2019



The world has been gifted powerful feminist films. The original Black Christmas, released in 1974, is heralded as one of the first slasher flicks to show young women advocating for their bodies and fighting for their own lives. Then there’s Foxy Brown, 9 to 5, Boys Don’t Cry, The Descent, The Joy Luck Club, Norma Rae, Hidden Figures, Season of the Witch, Bend It Like Beckham, The Color Purple, The Hours, Terminator, 2, The Ballad of Josie, Alien and so much more. Even if a few of these movies are so-so, they treat the subject matter of female oppression and rebirth with respect. It’s a delicate dance and the bad filmmakers smack you over the head with their message. Director Sophia Takal blindly swings a sledgehammer in Black Christmas (2019), the most transparent exploitation of diversity and feminism in order to get a project greenlit I have ever seen. As you watch sorority sisters do a Braveheart roar and fight for the freedom of not being killed by a supernatural alpha male, you’ll realize what this really is. Black Christmas (2019) makes Sucker Punch looks like a Feminist Manifesto.


This movie is Black Christmas because of the title, college, and setting in sorority—there is nothing here even slightly reminiscent of the stellar original. The new women of Hawthorne College (the only two you will remember) have personalities that are limited to one core event or cause, and everyone with a penis is either a weakling ally or a r*pist. A human is a vast rainbow of thoughts and feelings and experiences that make up their decisions, but the script can’t bother with that. Black Christmas (2019) doesn’t even feel like a Christmas film because despite music and decorations, the holiday is so far in the background, you can’t feel it. This movie could have been its own film with its own title and taken place on Tax Day, but the point of this project is to squeeze juice out of the old one. Black Christmas (2019) is a good example of creatively bankrupt filmmakers stealing a well-loved woman’s property that’s just old enough that Gen Z hasn’t heard about it yet (they’re coming for you, Night of the Comet!) and churning out a blatant rip-off for some sweet, sweet cash and accolades on the Twitter.



The first act of Black Christmas (2019) is a perfectly adequate teen offering. After the snowy First Kill of a teenager we know nothing about, we meet our heroine Riley (Imogen Poots), a college student trying to overcome a sexual assault that was never prosecuted. The first hint that something is not right comes when a girl in glasses walks into Riley’s room to ask if she’s seen her menstrual cup, and then puts it in and leaves the room. I cocked my head, but dumb things happen in movies all the time, so I let it go. There’s a lot of conversation in the sorority house about overthrowing the patriarchy, but that doesn’t stop these strong young women from voluntarily dancing on stage that night in sexy Santa outfits. That’s so fetch.


Right before the performance, Riley saves one of her sisters from the r*pey frat brother of the man who r*ped her a few years back, who just happens to be visiting the festivities. There’s no excuse for this poor, traumatized woman to be anywhere near a party with her assailant and a crowd of his supporters, but like every stupid happening in Black Christmas (2019) that requires a canyon-size suspension of disbelief, just say “It’s to take our power back” and everything will make sense. The same goes for when Riley’s sisters start disappearing and the local policeman (we see one lone policeman in the film) doesn’t believe her like all the other men in the world. In response, I would call a news crew or the FBI or put everything on social media, but Riley must fight the killers herself…to take her power back.


Oh God, I forgot that Cary Elwes is in this mess. He plays Professor Gelson, who does what all male English professors do: openly eliminate women writers from the curriculum and tout the superiority of the male brain during class. Believe me, I know these guys are out there, but Black Christmas (2019) loves its stereotypes, and Professor Gelson’s is the cartoon of a devilish man bent on spreading toxic masculinity like the plague.



"All you ladies are ho, ho, ho’s.”




Other characters are just as pathetically flat. I normally like Imogen Poots (I thought she made a perfect Blanche in Jane Eyre) but in Black Christmas (2019) she was instructed to either act mopey, stunned and speechless, or like a fiery princess warrior. I’m also disappointed in what they did with Aleyse Shannon’s character, Kris. Kris is a Black student who makes good arguments and is morally right, but she’s so obnoxious I wanted someone to leave her out in the snow. The fact that they allow her murderous militant views to be the voice of reason at the end is a joke.


Assault, misogyny, and racism are serious issues, but Black Christmas (2019) makes a mockery of them for money and attention—and turns feminists into laughing stocks. Apparently, we women are supposed to take up arms and kill ALL the men because ALL the men have hurt us. Black Christmas (2019) is the sort of movie made by a someone who has had limited life experience. Here, all fraternity brothers guzzle beer and r*pe and all females are victims trying to overcome their victimhood. I’m offended by that on behalf of my best friend JJ and kind men I’ve dated in the past. They do exist. On behalf of reasonable women who know that blanket statements are bad and people aren’t black and white, I want to apologize for Black Christmas (2019). I’m also sorry for every woman out there who really has been hurt and abused and degraded. This movie does nothing to help you.








GENRES: Diverse Characters, Feminist-Friendly, Serial Killer


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